My man.

Disclaimer: Mushy stuff below. Only read if you don't mind sentimental gush.

A little while ago, Ryan took a weekend trip for a conference, he was only gone a weekend, but it was enough to get me thinking. When he came back, he took Graham up for his nap, I went up to spy on them, they were both sleeping, Graham was curled up on Ryan's chest, and it just hit me, how absolutely irreplaceable Ryan is. I actually took a photo of the darling scene, but since it was with my film camera (that I'm hoping to replace with it's digital counterpart soon) it may be months-years before it's developed. So, you may or may not ever see the shot.

I mean, you get married, especially when you get married at 20. How can you have any idea the depth of person you are with? There are so many facets that you've never seen, I am so fortunate. When I let myself pause to think of who he is to me, to my little boys, I think-no, know- that God intervened on my behalf.

So, anyways, here are a few of my thoughts lately, on Ryan, and his role as daddy, in my family. I'm emphasizing the daddy part because it is the area that I had the least knowledge of when we said "I do" and since my body and mind are overwhelminly in child-carrier mode, it's usually at the forefront of my thoughts at pretty much any given moment.

Why Ryan is the man for the job

1. He loves to play with Graham. Every night it's wrestle time whether Ryan is tired from work or not. He has never brushed Graham off. Not once.

2. He isn't afraid to discipline, but is loving in the way he does it. Ryan comes across as a very black and white person, and while he is for the most part, when it comes to Graham and disciplining, he is compassionate, yet not leniant. He hates getting stern with him, but he will do it when necessary. In my mind, he has incredible balance in this area.

3. He loves just hanging out with Graham. I chose this photograph because Graham and Ryan were playing on the stairs, enjoying cookies together, and the Super Bowl was on. Ryan probably would have preferred to sit on the couch and really watch-watch the game. But, instead he played and watched, wrestled and watched, snacked and watched. When it comes to his little boy, Ryan rarely takes "me" time. He will . . . but as a rule, he puts Graham time above his own preferences.

4. He'll do the messy stuff. He's never shyed away from a dirty diaper (well, that may be an exaggeration, but he's taken his share) but especially when I've had a rough day and I'm tired and sore from carrying around an extra life, Ryan comes home, and helps out with anything I need. Dishes, Bathtime, Bedtime, Organizing. He doesn't consider himself above any job. Even though, we have chosen pretty traditional family roles, when he is home, I feel like I have a helper, I feel like we are co-parenting, not the 1950's version of traditional roles where the woman takes all domestic chores 24/7.

5. He tells me I look cute and sexy. . . maybe he's lying . . . but I certainly appreciate his ability (or poor eyesight) to look past the albino whale he shares a home with, and think of me as something beautiful even with the extra weight.

6. I can rest assured that he will take care of us. He makes good solid decisions. Yet, I feel like my voice is heard and respected. When he asks what I think about something, he listens and values my thoughts. For instance, Ryan loves to hunt . . . no, you don't understand . . . LOVES to hunt. He's had three invitations to go elk hunting this fall, I thought he might cry each time, (exaggerating of course) but he turned them all down. Not because he didn't want to go or even that I didn't want him to go, because I would have understood had he decided to do the hunt. He chose to put the trip on hold for this year because he actually heard my concerns, and was able to look past his own desire . . . very strong desire . . . to go, and actually agreed with my reasonings. Talk about placing value on our little family, and affirming his wife's opinions.

7. I look into the future, I see so many wonderful things to look forward to. A man dedicated to me, to his boys. He will take them hunting,fishing, he will teach them to swim, he will take us camping, on vacations, he will teach them about the Lord, he will pray with them, he will be silly with them, he will be proud of them, he will provide for us, he will defend us, he will love them -us- in the deepest humanly possible way. If I let my mind wander to the scary "what if"- I know I shouldn't even go there, but let's be honest, it happens. The what-if something happened to Ryan. While I know the Lord would take care of us . . . I also know that for me and my boys, Ryan is absolutely, 100% irreplaceable.

The fact that Ryan is in my life, in my family, taking care of my babies, makes me realize how much the Lord must love me as well. Even when at 20, when I was incredibly stupid, very very far from deserving such a blessing, or being able to choose such a quality person to grow old with- the Lord picked Ryan for me, to help me raise precious boys, I have to pause just once in awhile, let myself get all weepy and realize he is such a gift.