monkey see

not your cuddly pup

My grandma Bev, my mom, and all her sisters used to sing a song to us about a doggy for sale. It goes something like,
"How much is that doggy in the window? (ruff, ruff)
The one with the waggily tail.
How much is that doggy in the window? (ruff, ruff)
I do hope that doggy's for sale.

I can't remember the verses real well. Especially the one about not wanting a kitty or a turtle . . . 'cause you can't take a fish for a walk. If anyone can help me out that'd be great. It is now a favorite of Graham's. I pull that song out whenever I need to calm him down, avert his attention, or keep him from falling asleep in the car. I've been trying to teach him to do the "ruff-ruff" part, and finally the other night he started participating!

However, he adds his own twist. It goes something like this:
How much is that doggy in the window? (ruff . . .growl)
The one with the waggily tail.
How much is that doggy in the window? (menacing bark . . growl)
I do hope that doggy's for sale.

psst . . .

While Bob was here, he and Ryan concocted this plan to get Graham to sleep in his toddler bed using his pacifier as leverage. This is not necessarily a plan I'm super pumped about, and I have to admit I'm a bit skeptical as to why we are insisting on getting G in his "big-boy" bed when he actually sleeps better, and longer with no fall-offs in the pak-n-play. But, knowing Ryan and Bob and their problem-solviing ways, I think it has something to do with the challenge of the whole situation.

Anyways, the plan is that if Graham gets out of his toddler bed (which he usually does repeatedly) and must be put in the pak-n-play, he has to sleep without his pacifier. Shortly after this photo was taken, Graham was put to bed and given the warning about not getting out, and the consequences of said action. Well, he did not heed the warning, actually he did not heed the warning even after a 2nd chance was given, and Ryan put him in his pak-n-play with out the beloved paci.

I just hate having to hear the sweetie pie cry, I mean, look at that face! But, I think he may be on to my weakness. Not long after Ryan came back downstairs, we were listening to the little sobs on the baby monitor, and we hear this soft little voice whisper, . . . "mom, . . . mom"

Ryan and I laughed and laughed, he may as well said "psst . . . mom, he's not looking, the paci's right there, he'll never know"

road warriers

Over the weekend, Ryan's dad, Bob, and brother-in-law, Darren came to visit us on their way back to South Dakota, from New Jersey. I'm not sure how it is considered on the way, but I wasn't about to argue. I love visitors. It was a really low key time, relaxing for us, and so much fun for Graham. He was absolutely enthralled with super-grover, sesame street games on Darren's laptop, and he played and wrestled with Grandpa. We walked to the park, talked a little business, went out to eat, church, etc. It's just so nice to be around family.

Ryan and I are getting closer to finalizing a place to live in South Dakota. Bob is doing alot of the legwork because it's a sensitive situation and he is so calm, caring and helpful. I hope I can write a post soon saying we have bought the house for-sure, for-sure. Fingers crossed. Something will happen soon, either way.

Self Portrait

blue socks

Graham is obsessed with certain things, one being socks, another being the color blue. Here he is searching for his favorite pair of blue socks. He requests them every day.

inappropriate reactions

I know I've mentioned this before, but the phenomena is picking up again. I'm talking about my emotions being all over the place and even worse than that, I'm not seeming to be capable of controlling my reaction to them. This is very awkward at times, very, . . . very awkward. One example I can actually share is an incident happening a couple evenings ago. Ryan was doing his unofficial check-up of my teeth and noticed that one of my front teeth is moving forward ever so slightly. You see I'm not the best patient for him, and that is unfortunate considering the wife of the orthodontist really should be willing to wear her retainer at night. But right now, I am awake with mad-dashes to the restroom 4-5 times a night. I'm not the best at falling right back to sleep and anything that hinders that (like a retainer making my mouth sore, dry, whatever) has fallen to the wayside. So, anyways, he's checking my teeth, and asking if I can tell the tooth has moved. He is obviously frustrated by it, and instead of explaining, what do I do? Laugh hysterically. As I watch him get more and more ticked that I'm so flippant about my ortho work, I want to say I'm sorry, or that I promise to wear it soon, but instead, I LAUGH HARDER. I do this until, I start CRYING. Note: there is no downtime from the laughing to the crying. And Ryan is pretty much at a loss of what to do with me in these instances.

You'd think I'd be SOOOoooo ready to be done being pregnant, but instead my mind has been swirling with these mixed emotions about what happens after delivery. My friend Cara was talking to me the other day about how she often felt before having another baby, lately it's been hitting me extra hard. I really haven't spent much time thinking until recently, how the baby will change our lives. I think I won't be able to understand until I'm in it. I know I'll be tired, I know it will be hard work, I know all of that, so I just haven't dwelt on it. But the thing that is making me so darn emotional is that, I don't want Graham to have to share me.

I don't want my arms to be full when he needs me. I don't want to miss any precious seconds in his life, and while I know that your love is miraculously multiplied for the new child, I don't know if my time and energy will be. And even though I "know" having a sibling will be a wonderful and happy thing for him in the long run, it makes my heart break that in the short run, it may be a tough transition. And a tiny part of me, the part that is pure emotion and not logical thought, wonders if this change will be a good thing. And I feel terrible and guilty even writing that down. I guess I'll just pretend I'm in a confessional. Maybe someone can tell me how many hail mary's I need.

phone

Today I have Ryan's phone in case anyone needs to get ahold of me.

uncle dusty and aunt erin

My brother Dustin, and his wife, Erin, came to visit over the weekend. The pic above was the only one I was able to take because my digital camera was malfunctioning. Erin's eye's were closed, sorry Erin. Will you guys send me any good ones from your camera? Anyways, we had a great time with them.

Highlights:
The Wood Brothers at 3rd and Lindsley: the location is a bit nasty, but the music was great.I don't know how to describe the style. Kind of southern/bluegrassy/jazzy/acoustic . . . I LOVED watching Chris Wood play the bass, AMAZING. You can hear them on their site thewoodbrothers.com After we listened for awhile, we went home and hung out with Allen West, later Zach and Brian came over. It was pretty chilly, but Ryan made a fire in our outdoor room anyways.

Cabana: A new restaurant in Nashville, across from the Sunset Grill. this place has a very cool vibe and I liked the menu as well. But definitely the best part of it will be the huge sliding garage-style doors that will open up in the summer, making the entire back part of the restaurant almost completely open air. I can't wait to go back when spring returns. We brought Graham with us to Cabana, which went alright considering he was by far the youngest person in the joint. It must have been his first experience with valet parking and when we arrived, gave the keys to the young man in the red coat and turned to walk into the restaurant he started freaking out. But, not in a naughty way, or mad way, but in a "my heart is broken" way. And it was because he was watching the valet guy drive away in his absolute favorite toy. Even after he calmed down, he was sitting between Ryan and I in the booth, he would turn toward me and in his saddest tone, say "Brr-oom?" Watching his face when the truck was safely returned was almost as precious!!

The park, the shooting range, Graham finally warming up to his big boy bed probably to impress the company . . .

But above all, the coolest part was watching Graham ADORE both Dusty and Erin. He preferred their company immediately. Actually, Dusty picked him up out of his crib the first morning, and Graham wouldn't have much to do with Ryan or I after that. It was so sweet. Watching Graham with family is so affirming to our decision to move to the north. Even if South Dakota is still experiencing severe snow storms and spring is something far far away.

Phone outage

Hi everyone

I just wanted to let you all know that I am without phone. It was on it's way out, with one hinge completely gone, then this morning, Graham decided to put the gimpy tool out of it's misery.

Please email me if you need to get ahold of me for any reason. I'm sure I'll be nearby checking obsessively in a communication starved manner.

Much to blog about, maybe I'll get to that today as well.

my role

Last night we had planned on eating dinner with our friends, Allen and Emily, but Allen had to back out because he had a meeting to go to. So, instead, Emily and I decided to go just the 2 of us. I don't often leave Graham and Ryan home by themselves, and was looking forward to the Cheesecake factory without desperately trying to entertain a 2 year old during the unavoidable lengthy wait.

I was saying good-bye to Graham and wondering how he would handle me leaving. He looked at me with this quizical look on his face, then as he realized that I was going somewhere without he or Ryan, he burst out with one passionate word. Not, "Mom," . . . not "No,". . . not "Bye-bye". There were no tears, no tugging at my legs, he simply wanted me to know that I was forgetting that he and Ryan needed to "Eeeeeeaaaaat"

logos

I have been working on a few logos lately. As well as some ads and t-shirt designs (maybe I'll post those graphics later) I am lucky I gave up my graphic design clients, or I'd never have time for this other stuff :-) I wish all of my work could be for friends and family, It is so much fun to help someone out, and come up with something they are pleased with.


First logo is for Kristi Noem's campaign. She is running for the South Dakota House of Representatives. I really like the end result. It was so much fun working with someone that is so open to doing something that isn't completely typical!


2nd Logo is for Ryan and Bob's upcoming partnership. The "A" in the circle is actually a combined signature of both Ryan and Bob. We are hoping to implement this logo in several new ways like the website, embroidery, print projects, 3-D wall pieces, etc. We have so many ideas, I just hope we can stay on top of it to bring some of them to completion. Luckily Ryan's sister, Janelle, is spearheading the new website, and she is great at handling all of those details and keeping everyone motivated.


This next ad is for my dad's auto business. You should seriously have him find your next vehicle for you! He has access to all the auto auctions around the country, so generally he can find anything you want at a much better price than anyone else. He found us our Explorer and also Ryan's new truck (which you can see a photo of in a previous post) We love both of them and were able to save a ton of money buying through him.

Anyways, just thought I'd share what I've been doing design wise lately.

some things should be kept to yourself

I have had so many people come up to me in the grocery store, sidewalk, hallway, wherever. First they will comment on how darling Graham is. (no aversion to that!) Then, they will proceed with the "but you just wait . . . " bit. Usually it's the teenager comment. But, sometimes it's as low as 6 or 7 or even 2 years old. I'm not sure why I need to be warned that my sweet baby will be able to mouth back someday. Yes! I know! He will someday be able to form sentences, he won't always share my opinions, he will test us, blah blah blah. In fact we've already gotten a taste of that. But are all teenagers monsters? I don't think so, in fact I know some downright great teenagers. So, I'll go on (blindly, as I'm told) believing that I will continue to be as in love with my 'babies' when they are 15 as I am at 2! Attitudes or not.

Another comment I got yesterday . . . this one is just stupid. I just left the doctor's office, relieved I had only gained 1 lb vs. the 5, I had accumulated the previous check-up. I'm not saying 5 lbs is that much, except that it was in the span of TWO WEEKS. There were 2 men in the elevator as I left, and one of them asks "Are you having twins?" Am I having twins?!!! No, I'm not having twins! Come on buddy. You don't ask a strange woman that. In fact, the comment was so utterly ridiculous, I didn't have the heart to be bugged. He may as well have said, "my you look huge." I just laughed to myself thinking of the fun I could have had, if I had answered "what do you mean? I'm not even pregnant!" and burst into fake tears.

project nursery

We don't have the best set-up anymore for 2 kids. It has been a slight dilemma to figure out who is sleeping where. I think I may have mentioned it before, but we didn't feel comfortable putting Graham downstairs yet (that was mostly me) Plus, that would have meant no guest room during the time we will be needing it most. So, we have made a make-shift nursery at the top of our staircase. Basically we all sleep in the same room. Baby at one end, Ryan and I in the middle, Graham in the cubby on the other end. We may very well be crazy.

But, I think it worked out pretty well considering it's a landing. I also insisted on doing a little photo collage because the walls seemed so bare. Ryan was delighted to hang photos on walls we will be leaving in a few months, but he managed to help with minimal disgusted grunts even when I took my time deliberating on the spacing and arranging. Anyways, I thought I'd share a shot of the little area, I'm not completely done with all the organizing, and maybe some final decorating, but this is basically it.

My man.

Disclaimer: Mushy stuff below. Only read if you don't mind sentimental gush.

A little while ago, Ryan took a weekend trip for a conference, he was only gone a weekend, but it was enough to get me thinking. When he came back, he took Graham up for his nap, I went up to spy on them, they were both sleeping, Graham was curled up on Ryan's chest, and it just hit me, how absolutely irreplaceable Ryan is. I actually took a photo of the darling scene, but since it was with my film camera (that I'm hoping to replace with it's digital counterpart soon) it may be months-years before it's developed. So, you may or may not ever see the shot.

I mean, you get married, especially when you get married at 20. How can you have any idea the depth of person you are with? There are so many facets that you've never seen, I am so fortunate. When I let myself pause to think of who he is to me, to my little boys, I think-no, know- that God intervened on my behalf.

So, anyways, here are a few of my thoughts lately, on Ryan, and his role as daddy, in my family. I'm emphasizing the daddy part because it is the area that I had the least knowledge of when we said "I do" and since my body and mind are overwhelminly in child-carrier mode, it's usually at the forefront of my thoughts at pretty much any given moment.

Why Ryan is the man for the job

1. He loves to play with Graham. Every night it's wrestle time whether Ryan is tired from work or not. He has never brushed Graham off. Not once.

2. He isn't afraid to discipline, but is loving in the way he does it. Ryan comes across as a very black and white person, and while he is for the most part, when it comes to Graham and disciplining, he is compassionate, yet not leniant. He hates getting stern with him, but he will do it when necessary. In my mind, he has incredible balance in this area.

3. He loves just hanging out with Graham. I chose this photograph because Graham and Ryan were playing on the stairs, enjoying cookies together, and the Super Bowl was on. Ryan probably would have preferred to sit on the couch and really watch-watch the game. But, instead he played and watched, wrestled and watched, snacked and watched. When it comes to his little boy, Ryan rarely takes "me" time. He will . . . but as a rule, he puts Graham time above his own preferences.

4. He'll do the messy stuff. He's never shyed away from a dirty diaper (well, that may be an exaggeration, but he's taken his share) but especially when I've had a rough day and I'm tired and sore from carrying around an extra life, Ryan comes home, and helps out with anything I need. Dishes, Bathtime, Bedtime, Organizing. He doesn't consider himself above any job. Even though, we have chosen pretty traditional family roles, when he is home, I feel like I have a helper, I feel like we are co-parenting, not the 1950's version of traditional roles where the woman takes all domestic chores 24/7.

5. He tells me I look cute and sexy. . . maybe he's lying . . . but I certainly appreciate his ability (or poor eyesight) to look past the albino whale he shares a home with, and think of me as something beautiful even with the extra weight.

6. I can rest assured that he will take care of us. He makes good solid decisions. Yet, I feel like my voice is heard and respected. When he asks what I think about something, he listens and values my thoughts. For instance, Ryan loves to hunt . . . no, you don't understand . . . LOVES to hunt. He's had three invitations to go elk hunting this fall, I thought he might cry each time, (exaggerating of course) but he turned them all down. Not because he didn't want to go or even that I didn't want him to go, because I would have understood had he decided to do the hunt. He chose to put the trip on hold for this year because he actually heard my concerns, and was able to look past his own desire . . . very strong desire . . . to go, and actually agreed with my reasonings. Talk about placing value on our little family, and affirming his wife's opinions.

7. I look into the future, I see so many wonderful things to look forward to. A man dedicated to me, to his boys. He will take them hunting,fishing, he will teach them to swim, he will take us camping, on vacations, he will teach them about the Lord, he will pray with them, he will be silly with them, he will be proud of them, he will provide for us, he will defend us, he will love them -us- in the deepest humanly possible way. If I let my mind wander to the scary "what if"- I know I shouldn't even go there, but let's be honest, it happens. The what-if something happened to Ryan. While I know the Lord would take care of us . . . I also know that for me and my boys, Ryan is absolutely, 100% irreplaceable.

The fact that Ryan is in my life, in my family, taking care of my babies, makes me realize how much the Lord must love me as well. Even when at 20, when I was incredibly stupid, very very far from deserving such a blessing, or being able to choose such a quality person to grow old with- the Lord picked Ryan for me, to help me raise precious boys, I have to pause just once in awhile, let myself get all weepy and realize he is such a gift.